i'm not as tough as u think...T.T

yes.. i'm not as tough as u think... tue i quarrel with my dad... and this made me think back alot of my sad memories since last year..T.T i started to think that am i as tough as i thought?? i don't know... may be my friends' impression on me is..."yoke ling is a tough girl.. last year the big problem happened to her but she still able to keep everything in herself until the last min only broke down in front of her best friends.." yes.. before this i had the same thought as my friends.. but now i feel that i'm not as tough as u think.. i really feel tired..=( i don't want to think about anything anymore!! my brain need rest... may be abit of alcohol could help...T.T i don't want to be sedar diri..T.T my life since the day i was born until my primary school is just perfect.. i felt that i was so lucky as i have a happy family.. no worry on my health.. last time i was glad that i always have my second sis... she always be my side and support me.. if i'm not in good mood, without knowing that what actually happen on me, then she will just try to help me destress myself.. but now everything is different..=( i have to face everything by myself.. i need to find my way to destress myself.. when i need someone to help me, actually nobody knows that...T.T now only i realize the importance of siblings... haih.. but i know that my sis was forced to leave me.. she also don't hope that actually.. so after she left me, i told myself.. i must be tough from this moment... i can't let my mum and sis to worry about me... that's why after my sis left this home, i never drop a single tear before and try to show my tough face in front of my mum... until the day i broke down at school..T.T fine... after that i wipe off my tears and continue my life... i told myself that i can do it!! i'm tough!! but why god can't just pity me abit and set my life as simple as it could be?? muscle problem came again and even more serious than last time...T.T family's problem.. then relationships problem... yes.. i really want to be tough but how many times i need to tell myself that i'm tough then wipe off my tears and continue my life again?? i'm just a normal human being and i will feel tired too...T.T haih... just now i read shean's blog and actually she facing the same problem as me this whole week.. i left a msg in shean's cbox and hope could help her abit.. but i know that actually my support is not that good and not really could help her because i'm facing the same problem and this problem has been in my heart since last year.. just like a question and answer.. but i still couldn't find the answer for this question...T.T i really need someone who really understand me and support me.. but who could help me?? who will be the 'someone'?? i don't know..=( may be nobody could be the 'someone' except my second sis because only siblings willing to sacrifice their everything and able to spend all their time with u when u are down and need help.. now inside my heart got alot "i don't know"........=(